My heart is heavy today. My pastor’s brother and sister in law lost their little boy in his sleep. I don’t even have words. I’ve never met the couple or their children; but my heart aches for them. I talked with my pastor’s wife earlier today and told her that I almost feel guilty for having my babies; like me having my babies is a betrayal to those who lose theirs.
It’s not really that I feel guilty for having my babies; I think I feel guilt over not spending more time with them, having more patience with them, or loving them more than I already do. When tragedies like this happen it reminds me to appreciate that I have two beautiful, crazy smart, happy, and healthy children. I look at them and cannot imagine not having them: I can’t imagine what life would be like if I woke up in the morning and one of them wasn’t there. Few things would be worse.
I’m sorry that this is so heavy.. But it’s life. Life is hard, it’s sad, it’s awful, it’s heavy. But it’s worth it. Life is also sunny, and beautiful, and happy, and light. It’s worth the awful times to have the moments we cherish. It’s worth it to have hope that just as sure as we will experience heart break we will also experience joy. Life is worth living.
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.
It’s a promise: God will give beauty for ashes, joy in exchange for mourning, praise for heaviness; and all so that we can be the planting of the Lord and that he would be glorified. I don’t have all the answers: why do babies die? Why do children suffer abuse? Why do people have to be manipulative, mean, hurtful, and/or deceitful? We live in a world that is born into sin; we live in a world where people use their free will to fulfill their selfish desires. We live in a world where some people are stupid and just plain stink. But, we also live in a world where there are sweet, lovely, and honest people. People who would give you their first and last dollar. People who will cry with you when your parent dies or house burns down. People who will love you even when you make mistakes and hurt their feelings. People who “fill in the gaps” when your family disowns you. For all the bad in this world there is still hope. For all of the sin and hatred there is still forgiveness and love to cover it all. The theme here is that life is worth living: it’s worth living through and with the contrasts. Enjoy your life. And hug your babies a little closer tonight.