Where do I fit.. That is a question I’ve been asking or pondering for a few months now. Lord, where do I fit in? Where is my spot? I know where I belong in my family but with everything else it seems so up in the air. I recently started working for a realtor (who is a fantastic boss and so much more gracious to me than I deserve) and I love the work; but my role is shifting and changing. I enjoy the flexibility and the education: but where do I fit?
Those of you who know me personally and talk with me regularly probably know that my family made the decision to move to a different church. Which was a HUGE decision. We left the church we were married in and dedicated our babies in and the church where the people were our surrogate family and stepped in when our relatives couldn’t. We left the church where we had positions and roles and jobs.
But it was the right thing to do. My husband and I knew the Lord was leading us elsewhere and we promised God a long time ago to follow him. So we did. And we are glad for it: we are at peace and awe at how he is working in our lives.
Yet still the question: where do I fit? In our new church: where do I fit? With our friends: where do I fit? With my job: where do I fit?
Somehow I don’t think it’s that simple. Or maybe it is?
Have you ever seen the movie “Cheaper by the Dozen?” It’s a cute family movie. There is a specific part in the movie that has always struck my heart. One of the middle sons was anxious over his spot in his family. His siblings teased him and called him FedEx saying the FedEx man dropped him off: he didn’t really belong to them. His mother’s response? She pulled him close, albeit absent-mindedly, and as she drew him to herself she said, “You fit. You fit right here.” Awe! Melts my heart.
Look at that cutie! Who cares if he was dropped of by the FedEx man?
That’s what I hear the Lord saying. Right here, Heidi, right here. You fit right here, next to my heart. And it melts me. In the midst of what could be confusion and chaos I can know that regardless of where I am or work: I fit. I fit next to God’s heart.
Which brings me to…
How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn’t let me.
Matthew 23:37 NLT
What a good momma hen: all you see are their little feet and even then you have to squint!
Jesus was lamenting over Jerusalem who turned away from him instead of towards him; and thus taught their children to do the same. I don’t want to be so busy finding “my spot” to work and do good deeds that I forget to just be who God made me to be and let the works come from there. I don’t want to teach my children that fitting in is Godliness. I want to teach them that they fit beneath his wings. They don’t have to be the brightest or the best or the most well mannered or eloquent to fit in the heart of Jesus; or my heart, either, for that matter. And if one of my greatest desires is just for my children to be secure in knowing that just being themselves and having a heart for God is enough then I ought to live it. No matter what people say or think of me. No matter if I hold a position (that can be quickly revoked) or status. No matter what: I fit.
P.S. You do too. Right beneath the wings of Jesus, next to the warmth and comfort of his heart.